Saturday, 9 March 2013

L is for. . . love and loss

This is probably the most personal post I have written so far. But I feel like sharing all the bits and pieces that make me, me.

My sons name is Ethan Lance. I have seen eyes brows raise at his middle name, as its not all common and modern these days. So here is the story behind the name.

My pop, my dads dad was such a large part of my life, he was lovely and supportive and just wonderful. I have so many amazing memories of him when I was younger, him being at my athletic meets, him sitting and watching his grand kids play with a smile on his face and of course him telling me off for wearing makeup and having a boyfriend.

I also remember the day my mum and dad came into my room and told me he had cancer, I was young, maybe 9 or 10, but I was old enough to know that it wasn't good. He didn't give up though, he battled through surgery and medications, all the while putting a smile on his face when we were around.

Just before he died, our family got together and we made a plate, which we all put our finger prints on, in the shape of a butterfly, and after he died we burned a candle with butterfly stickers on it. A sign that he was flying free and happy.

He is always there when I'm sad or uncertain. A little butterfly. I know some of you may read this and think I'm crazy...I'm not. I know he is always there.

Why am I sharing this story?

I wish, every single day that Ethan could have met him, just once, just for a minute. That I could hug him one last time. And yesterday, my mother in law said something, that changed my life and she didn't even know it.

She said that when she watches Ethan during the week, he will sit at the window and for some reason, many butterflies will just appear.
It was honestly like receiving that last hug I had dreamed of, it made me realise that he is still here, for me and for Ethan. And that he is proud of me.

He really was a special person and I hope he is enjoying his life as a butterfly <3

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